I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
