i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
