he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
