If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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