I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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