just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
