Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
