Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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