We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
