I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
