I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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