the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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