first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
