its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
