Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
