I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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