I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
