Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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