Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
