I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
