Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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