She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
