She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
