I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
