I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize