he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
