You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
