please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
