im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
