a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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