I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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