"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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