the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
