my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
