Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
