So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize