: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize