the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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