im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
