That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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