You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
