just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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