Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
