she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need moral support for this bender
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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