first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
