You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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