I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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