im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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