we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
