I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize