wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
