8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
