I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
