so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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