pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
