you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
