Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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