i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
