How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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