Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
