are you still at the devil's house?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
