does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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