the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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