the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
