Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
