forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
