what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
