1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
