Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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