why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
