Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
