morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
