never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
